Free Write
The Wright Family
He turned the key in the lock and opened the door. The horror he saw upon him was a herd of wasps and bees that will ensure his death if he got too close. The buzz sound was unbearable, and the needles could be seen from afar.
It was Saturday, October 1st, 1998 at 5:30 P.M, Mr. Wright was in his lovely home on Oak Dr., eating dinner with his wife, son, daughter, and three dogs. The family enjoyed a meal with steak and a side of salad while the dogs enjoyed cut up pieces of steak. It was an amazing day for the family because Mr.Wright had gotten a promotion at work to become the CEO of his company. The family would talk and talk every dinner until hours passed. Soon to be it was sunset at the Wright household.
The family had just moved in June and were still getting used to the Odara neighborhood. After the family ate they would take the dogs on a walk, they would walk to a nearby ice cream shop. Lilly, the daughter of Mr.Wright, always got the strawberry swirl with a cherry on top. Jon, the son of Mr.Wright, got the spongebob popsicle. The couple would share a large chocolate sundae and the dogs would each get a paw ice cream made with peanut butter.
That day when the family returned from their walk to the ice cream shop the house seemed a bit off. They walked in and all watched a movie in their massive theater room. Mr.Wright heard a thud downstairs and asked the wife to take care of the children while he goes check downstairs. He scurried around downstairs petrified of what it could be, he went to the master bathroom and there was nothing, but he didn't see the secret room behind the bed when they first moved in but now it was as clear as the sky.
He went to get the key to his house because he recognized the shape of the door handle and key holder. He returned and slowly fit the key in the keyhole. He was shaking but managed to move the key clockwise to unlock the door. He held the doorknob and slowly twisted it, then he slowly began to open the door and heard BUZZZZZ!!! Anyone who knew Mr. Wright knew his biggest fear was wasps and bees and in front of him was a whole room that was covered in hives full of bees and wasps.
Mr. Wright closed the door and locked it, then he ran upstairs to the movie theater. His family was shocked to the occurrence of this secret room and the surprise within it. The family packed all the bags they had and drove to the nearby hotel that was pet friendly. They slept there for one night and then Mr. Wright called the realtor to look at new houses. He bought an amazing mansion but little did he know this one has multiple rooms infested with wasps and bees.
Interesting concept. I don't think the lead worked as a preemptive effort. I think if you had held that longer and kept the suspense building in a delayed fashion would have made it more impactful. I wonder where Mr. Wright goes next when he finds more WASPS!! :)
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